Why don't you just keep quiet about having made a choice?

Fighting for queer rights does not consist solely of fighting for legal recognition of same-sex marriages or the right of gay people in the military to not have to hide their identities or their loved ones' identities from those they serve alongside. Fighting for queer rights also means fighting for the right of each and every queer person to come out of the closet—to express their own experiences of queerness and find others who understand and relate to their experiences.

Most of us who consider ourselves queer by choice have been told some or all of the following (often repeatedly, ad nauseum) by people to whom we attempted to express our experiences of choosing to be queer:

1. You're the only person in all of human history who has ever claimed to have chosen to be queer! [Not true. As you can see, there's a whole mailing list and LiveJournal community full of us.]

2. Queerness has already been proven to be completely genetic! [Not true. Go here for more information.]

3. Well then, you're not a real queer! [So who made you the guard at the gates of Queer Land? Saying we're queer by choice certainly doesn't keep our parents, the churches, the governmental marriage certificate bestowers, the military, or any other homophobic institutions or people from considering us queer.]

Most of us who consider ourselves queer by choice have also been asked some or all of the questions on this FAQ, and many other questions too, ranging from hostile to very well-meant, but always requiring a great deal of energy for us to keep answering the same questions from so many different people. This FAQ and this website in general were built in order to save all queer by choice people some of the trouble of answering these questions over and over. Help us out—tell others about what you learned from this site.

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