Reasons to Try or Not Try
Same-Gender Sex

Whenever you make a major decision in life, the obvious questions to ask are "What good will come of it if I do this?" and "What harm will come of it if I do this?" So in the case of exploring same sex feelings, it works the same way. If you explore sex with a member of your own gender, what harm can come of it? Think carefully now.

Those are probably the three main examples of harm that can come of exploring sex with a member of your own gender. In general, however, if none of the three situations described above applies to you, then you are not likely to come to any more harm from having sex with a member of your own gender than you would be from having sex with a member of the opposite gender. The simple act of having sex does not require you to go through any complicated coming-out process—there's no need to tell anyone else what you're exploring until or unless you personally decide that you want to tell someone.

Now let's consider the other side of the debate. If you explore sex with a member of your own gender, what good can come of it? Here are some possibilities:

You may be able to come up with some additional questions to ask yourself that are more specific to your own individual circumstances. Just a few final comments now . . .

Having sex with someone of your own gender does not require you to consider yourself queer, lesbian, bisexual or gay. Having sex with someone of one's own gender is a very simple, elegant, and exquisitely pleasurable act that billions of people all over the world enjoy regularly without regard to whether they label themselves "gay" or put themselves through some kind of traumatic coming-out process. It's just an act, like any other sexual act, and to make it into some kind of life-changing commitment the first time you perform it is rather like committing yourself to immediately marry the first person of the opposite sex who you allowed to take your pants off. That's not to say that such marriages are always a bad idea, because many of us have committed ourselves to queerness without ever having had queer sex beforehand, and have never regretted doing it in that order—but when it's time to commit yourself, you won't need to feel pushed into commitment just because you've performed a sexual act. When it's time to commit yourself to any sexual orientation or to anything else in life, you will know, with all your heart, what path you want to take. Until that time comes, feel free to just look around, explore, have sex, and enjoy yourself.

Related links:

Sexuality.org's Concise Guide to Safer Sex
A great resource for information on how both females and males should protect themselves from diseases during same-gender sex.
Back to the Queer Recruitment Center Front Desk
Back to the QueerByChoice.com Homepage

© 2000-2009 by Gayle Madwin. All rights reserved.